MORE ON OUR ‘COUPLED CULTURE’

Every relationship, no matter how strong and committed, is challenged by crises and life transitions. Loss of a job, a death in the family, or other significant crises tests the relationship’s staying power. Equally challenging is a happy life transition like the birth or adoption of a child. Bringing a child into a relationship radically changes it. Couples with strong successful relationships are better able to integrate children into the relationship. They are able to find not only the time to nurture the child but to nurture each other as well.
Successful couples share laughter and fun times together. They nurture mutually satisfying intimacy by remaining romantic and idealistic about each other over time. They both can identify more positive moments between them than negative ones. None of this is meant to conclude that the successful couple does not have disagreements or varying beliefs on many subjects. Successful couples are able to accept that agreeing and identical beliefs are not necessary to happily functioning relationships.

Most adults in our culture spend much of their lives as half of a couple in marriage or some form of long-term committed relationship. All relationships experience some form of difficulty and disharmony at times. Some couples seem unprepared for difficulties and experience overwhelming problems as they try to navigate the troubled relationship waters. Other couples seem to respond more positively and seem to skillfully regain relationship harmony and satisfaction.
There are some identifiable reasons why some couples survive the hard times. Two characteristics of successful couples are they invest themselves fully in the relationship and have their own identity as a couple. This doesn’t mean that the couple is ‘joined at the hip’. Both people have individual identities and each maintains other friendships and relationships with family. It does mean that they accept each other as individually different people. They both have deep feelings of togetherness and equally deep feelings of independence. The successful couple has an ongoing commitment to a caring, sharing, equality-based relationship.

Fall is a season many people seem to enjoy. It’s filled with crisp air, beautifully colored leaves, and if we’re really lucky bright sunshiny days. However, about 9% of our area’s residents experience the fall season as the beginning of Seasonal Affective Disorder or S.A.D. for short. For S.A.D. people fall brings with it lessened energy, decreased motivation, and the need for more sleep.
By the time the cold, snow, and gray skies of winter arrive, S.A.D. symptoms have become more distinct and serious. These symptoms include depression, anxiety, hopelessness, social withdrawal, loss of interest in usually enjoyed activities, difficulty concentrating, and changes in appetite and eating habits that often lead to weight gain.
If you are one of the S.A.D. people there are ways to lessen its negative impact. Here are some tips that can help.
Take care of yourself: make a schedule that doesn’t overburden and stress you and stick to it; eat healthy food and plan meals that include lots of veggies, fruit, and whole grains; relax often and get lots of rest; exercise regularly.
Manage stress: attend a stress management class or workshop; practice meditation; read some good books, journal.
Socialize: make plans to spend time regularly with people you like. Socializing helps you take care of yourself and manage stress more effectively.
Get professional help: If you are really having trouble coping with life and managing S.A.D. symptoms you need the help of a professional. Psychotherapy (counseling) is a great place to begin. In some cases you may need to find a psychotherapist for therapy and a psychiatrist for medication. You will need to attend your therapy sessions regularly and take any prescribed medication as directed. You may also want to participate in workshops or educational support groups that are led by knowledgeable professionals. These are usually multi-session experiences that provide needed social activity and focus on taking care of yourself and managing stress.
If you want more information and resources on S.A.D. you can check out mayoclinic.com or wikipedia.

If only this was true!!! Think about what it would be like if there was no eating disorders – no obesity, no anorexia or bulimia. Eating disorders of all kinds can lead to degenerative diseases, lessen our quality of life, and even lead to premature death.

Instead of viewing food as just the fuel that keeps us going, each of us has a very complex relationship with food. We eat when we’re sad or anxious or overworked or bored. We eat when we’re hungry and when we’re not hungry. Many of us don’t even know what really feeling hunger is! We have favorite comfort food like cake or pie, candy, mashed potatoes and gravy, or my personal favorite, mac & cheese. Almost all comfort foods are carbs. They make use feel warm and happy and satisfied. We probably learned to love them as kids when we got treats for being good, enjoyed special holiday dishes, got rewarded for our accomplishments, or got pampered when we were ill.

Not everyone becomes overweight or obese. However, most of us are aware that obesity is a serious problem in the United States. We can even bring the problem really close to home. A national study found that Elgin, a part of the Fox Valley, has one of the highest rates of obesity in the country!

Others of us don’t eat or binge-eat because of our very complex relationship with food. Along with the alarming rates of obesity, there is an equally alarming increase in the numbers of adolescent and adult men who are suffering from the life threatening problems of anorexia and bulimia. Historically it’s been only women who have suffered the devastation of these eating disorders. These disorders are now serious problems for both women and men!

We all need to learn to say ‘yes’ and ‘no’ to food in a healthy and balanced way!

I just bought a house and I still don’t feel grown up. Whatever ‘grown-up’ feeling I was supposed to have probably won’t arrive. No one has told me about the day when you arrive at adulthood. It just doesn’t happen; for better or worse you just get older. Life will change drastically when I have kids here pretty soon but I’m 26, I can barely see the beginnings of a career ahead of me, I still do a poor job of cleaning the house (to my wife’s everlasting glee), and I would much rather play Xbox for hours than read something of substance (that is if I had free time). When do I get that ‘job well done’ sensation where I just know I’m right where I should be?

I believe the answer is up to all of us. We decide how to feel whether it be satisfied, frustrated, or ‘adult’. Xbox is okay as long as I get my share of the chores done. The house is something I really can be proud of (especially if I can afford it without eating canned goods for a couple years…we shall see). It is in our nature, human or American, to constantly want new, more, and better things. The double edge of this sword is that we put people on the moon but we’re bored with it a couple hours later.

It takes effort to stop and think “hey! I really got a lot going on! I’m doin’ good!”. I’m really not kidding about the effort part either. I can go days without reminding myself that despite a frustrating job, 15 hour work days, and a tsunami of bills things are good. A lot of the time things are great. How often do you pat yourself on the back or set aside time to enjoy what you have worked so hard for? We have time if we make it. Speaking of time, I’m out of it for now.

Talk to you soon,

Eric